The lure of the ocean....

My thoughts are so distracted. Jose has been out to see for thirteen days now. No phone calls, no mundane conversations about what Sofi ate, how was work, how many racks did he make, what are the guys doing....So I am to that point now where I call and hang up at the company that buys their fish. I am not sure why, maybe it makes me feel closer to him? Each morning Sofi crawls into bed and asks me, "Where is daddy?" before I can answer she says, "Daddy is working on the boat." Just like that. I know it is on her mind, she has started carrying around a stuffed penguin everywhere, to school, to the store with her friends. Maybe daddy is like a Penguin and he had to make that long trek out to the ocean to retrieve the food for the family. The more I think of it Jose is like a Penguin. He loves the ocean and no matter how far away from the ocean he treks always it is calling him back. Jose loves to eat fish, which is strangely Penguin of him. He also collects rocks. So maybe that is the answer. It does not make me miss him any less, Penguin or not. There is something missing in our lives and we are waiting for our man to come home.

Simple

It is funny how the current economic times are causing all of this "simplification" of America. Even Oprah is on the bandwagon...at least with her show. While I do not think that she is implementing her own advice it seems that America is having a moment and recognizing the deep levels of addiction to everything that we have. Addiction to food, to things, to money, to status and along the way we have lost our sense of self and what America actually represents. I am not void of any guilt. I too loved buying designer hand bags and buying whatever I wanted at the grocery store. I drive a Truck that was not made in America and our other car is an SUV. We did it too. I am not sure when I stopped loving cruising the thrift store looking for old luggage and polyester shirts....but I think I can narrow it down to when I married a certain wonderful guy who had the ability to afford me the idea of "want'. I started to want what I had thought about and not only that I could just go have what I wanted whether or not we had the cash. It is a powerful feeling to have what you want. Then there is the moment that we have all come to where we realize that it is not reality and that we are living on borrowed money and time and the wants were just little pieces of chocolate that eventually added up to a lot of calories, which converted to weight. So whether you are overweight or not we are all carrying a bit to many extra pounds. So I am joining the trend to confess my commercial sins and repent! I will make my meals at home and take my lunch to work. I will spend more time with my daughter. I will always take time to read. I will turn off the TV...again. We will paint in the morning and enjoy homemade coffee. Yesterday my mother caused me to remember what a wonderful mom she was when we were growing up. I was talking to her on the phone and relayed to her that Sofi was making wonderful circles and I was really surprised she was doing that. Mom says, "How do you know that she is drawing circles?" I replied, "because they look like circles." Mom reminded me not to call them circles but to ask Sofi what she was drawing because it could be anything and if I tell Sofi that she is drawing circles then eventually that is what they will be and they will never become anything else. I asked Sofi what she was drawing and she pointed out the chicken, the flower and banana. I remembered then that my mom always gave us the opportunity for circles to be absolutely anything we thought they were. That might be why were such free spirits! So as a part of my work as a mother I will also allow circles to be gorillas or cars and not get to caught up in the way things look!